Well, I read an interview with senor Antich, top dog in the current regime, that he really believes that ´with consultation and dialogue with the owners and managers of marinas´, more moorings can be made available in the future!
With his government´s track record of dialogue with hoteliers don´t hang by your fingernails!
As we reported in the last issue ANADE, who are the association of marinas reckon they can add up to 10,000 more berths without building any more marinas.
I think the government should let them get on with it!
One interesting aside in the same interview was that they are seriously looking at ´ways and means to control anchoring´ in the Balearics.
All well and good in terms of environmental control but this smacks of more dosh for somebody´s cousin and wide-boys such as those who try and collect money for parking in Palma etc. when it´s free- who´s going to police it? Another recipe for disaster and misuse like the Ecotax.
As I write, down in deepest Andratx the current management are being very tight-lipped where there still seems no news about the granting of the concession of the Club de Vela despite the promise of a decision weeks ago.
A strong rumour going round is that TRAPSA, who are behind Palma´s new marina and Varadero Palma may have made a late run on the inside to get the concession- we will have to wait and see.... but you may have read it here first?
At the risk of being pole-axed by Memsahib Bates´ crutch (still suffering from a gamy fetlock) here´s a nice one.
Recently a "Husband Shopping Centre" opened, where women could go to choose a husband from among many men.
It was laid out on five floors, with the men increasing in
positive attributes as you ascended. The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor.
If you went up a floor, you couldn´t go back down except to leave the place, never to return.
A couple of girlfriends went
to the shopping centre to find some husbands...
First floor- The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids. "The women read the sign and said, "Well, that´s better than not having a job, or not loving kids, but I wonder what´s further up?" So up they went.
Second floor- The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking. "Hmmm, said the ladies. But, I wonder what´s further up?
Third floor- This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework. "
Wow! said the women. Very tempting, BUT, there´s more further up!
And up they went. Fourth floor. This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking,
help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
´Oooo, mercy me. But just think! What must be awaiting us further on´!
So up to the fifth floor they went.
Fifth floor- The sign on that
door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are ****ing impossible to please!
Now then this is a piece of advice to you dear readers who are..err...um..let´s say, more wrinkly than others.
Harping back to ´er indoors arse over apex trip down the stairs recently the cost of injuries such as this is well focussed in my mind.
That nice Anne in Banca March in Portals brought to my attention their Seguro Proteccion 50 injury insurance.
For us who are the wrong side of 49 and for as little as 20 cents per day you´re covered (over and above whatever medical insurance you have) with a cash payout for an injury to do with what you want- taxis, home help etc. etc.
Nip into you local, friendly Banca March and get a leaflet to peruse.
The following, I´d like to believe, is a true story.
Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.
Marty looks around the room and sees that it is in a perfect order, spotless, clean. So´s the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you."
So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.
Marty asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 a.m, drunk and delirious. broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."
Confused, Marty asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your trousers off, you said,
"Lady, leave me alone, I´m married´!"
Here´s an early warning for rugger buggers.
On July 26th the local rugby federation are holding their annual beach 7-a-side tournament on Palmira beach in Peguera.
You can get details from the Eclipse bar in Tereno or on www.rugbysevenmallorca_8m.com.
They are looking for guest sides so if you´re up for it get in touch.
Staying in the sporting vein, the places are filling up for the go-kart championship scheduled for the 3 May- there are still a couple of team places available.
It will be between teams of four and the cost is 50 Euros per person.
You´ll get plenty of track time with practice starting at 13:00 followed by heats and then the main race.
Get in touch if you want to race.
We also hope to organise a prize-giving lunch after the race.
Here´s a little word of warning in your shell-like.
A whisper gets to me that there´s an organisation operating a ´paint your house - once and forever´ scheme.
Be very, very, very careful I´m told!
One gossip tells me that the small print in the so-called guarantee specifically excludes ´exposure to strong sunlight´ or some such phrase- ´Bloody useful in Mallorca´ I hear you cry.
If you, or you know of anyone, who has recently had a ´house painting misfortune´ ask them to get in touch.
My thanks to Lee New who passes on this useful legal website and advise line -www.compactlaw.co.uk
They say they are the leading law portal in the UK providing legal information and services for English law.
Lee´s recently got some advice from them and she says you can ring a solicitor at £1.50 per minute.. she adds it´s, ´Excellent´.
Can you believe this load of balls from the EU?
Responding to a ruling by the European Union, Great Britain enacted a law requiring farmers to provide their pigs "environmental enrichment" in the form of "manipulable material"--namely a toy ball--in each pigsty, or face up to three months in jail.
Otherwise, bored pigs tend to chew on each other.
Farmers are told they may also need to change the balls often so the pigs don´t experience further stressful boredom.
With the threat of terrorism etc. it´s getting more difficult to get into the US with the immigration service tightening up considerably.
This is affecting foreign crew.
In the next issue I hope to have the latest advice on the ´D´ visas (29 days or less in the US) and the ´B1´ (yacht crewman; for cruising in US waters more than 29 days).
If you are leaving for the US very soon give me a bell I´ll probably have the info. for you before publication in May.
At the risk of offending my Gallic chums here are a few ´nice´ one-liners.
"The French will only agree to go to war when we´ve proven we´ve found truffles in Iraq."
"It is important to remember that the French have always been there when they needed us."
"You know why the French don´t want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates Americans, he loves mistresses and wears a beret.
How more French can you get?"
Silly, but quite droll I believe.....
This chap goes to place his wife´s obituary in the local paper, unfortunately he only has £1 and for that he gets three words.
He asks the women if he can just put "Doris is Dead" as he only has one pound to his name.
She explains to him that this is probably not enough and taking pity on him offers him six words for his pound.
The old chap really appreciates this gesture and increases the obituary to: "Doris is Dead, Fiesta for sale"!
And one for the ladies....
Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
(So they won´t try to shag women´s legs at cocktail parties.)
Toodle--pip till next month.
Bates