Well I’m not even going to bother to mention the Palma Boat Show so there!
And talking about boat shows, you just can´t keep some people down can you. Peter Bryant of Refit & Repair show infamy raises his head again in Monaco with a new show immediately after the Monaco Grand Prix- amazing stamina!
Now then for your monthly ´politics injection´.
The Empress of Calvia was not even the slightest bit miffed when her half a million Euro Calvia walkway piss-up was kicked into touch as being illegal use of public funds just before an election. She’s announced that it will be staged after the elections. The ego of this woman and her cronies!!
Perhaps getting into more positive thoughts, a couple of points in the PP manifesto might be of interest.
Firstly they intend to re-introduce Castilian into official forms, letters announcements etc and will remove the xenophobic ´teaching in Mallorquin´ from schools.
The flooding of the so-called ´foreign schools´ by Mallorquin kids is surely an indication of the sense in trying to teach children in a minority language.
Now, don’t get me wrong boyo, isn’t it?
Being a Taffy I quite understand about minority languages; don’t let them die but surely it’s idiotic to limit a kid’s progress by such xenophobia.
Don’t forget, particularly in Calvia, us Guiris can have quite an impact on the outcome.
Do you really want to let Marge continue to piss away all your tax money for the next few years?
In a few short years she, and her bunch of bandits have transformed Calvia from the richest to the most indebted council.
"Nuff said squire" I hear you shout!
Down in deepest Sant Jordi they really know how to throw a shindig!
Over the week-end of the 17/18th of May they will be holding their third annual snail fair - oh yes, how exciting eh?
Perhaps the clouds of hi-octane fuel of the flightpath might be finally getting to them.
Interviewed in a local paper recently Sebastia Ramis, top gastropod gourmand, proudly announced that they are going to get through 500 kilos of mechanised slime with a "good number of recipes invented by our members", of what is aptly called Club Prat de´n Cati.
Can’t you just imagine it, stuffed snails, carpaccio of snail, spit-roast snail etc. etc.
The arguments rumble on in Andratx am Rhein after the concession for the marina has been taken from the old club and given to the go-ahead company, IP3M who are behind Marina Port de Mallorca and Varadero Palma.
The old stagers of the Club de Vela (500 of whom met last month) don’t seem to want to roll over and are taking the whole thing to court!
On the other hand IP3M have promised cheaper mooring rates, reducing the number of larger boat moorings and increasing those of 12 metres and under thus adding 100 more moorings in the process.
The concession is for 14 years and IP3M will be paying the local government 1.3 million Euros for the pleasure.
Now look gentle reader, I’ve been far too serious for far too long today, here’s a good un I think.
A bright, young, fresh-out-of-school auditor just joined the tax office, excited to begin tracking down high-powered offenders-just as the Enron or WorldCom guys.
Anxious for his first high-powered audit, he was a bit dismayed when his assignment was to audit a Rabbi.
Looking over the books and taxes were pretty straight forward, and the Rabbi clearly very frugal, so he thought he´d make his day interesting by having a little fun with the Rabbi.
"Rabbi," he said, "I noticed that you buy a lot of candles."
"Yes," answered the Rabbi.
"Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?" he asked.
"A good question," noted the Rabbi. "We actually save them up and when we have enough, we send them back to the candle maker. And every now and then, they send us a free box of candles."
"Oh," replied the auditor somewhat disappointed that his unusual question actually had a practical answer. So he thought he´d go on, in his obnoxious way..."Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with the crumbs from the matzo?"
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi calmly, "we actually collect up all the crumbs from the matzo and when we have enough, we send them in a box back to the manufacturer and every now and then, they send a box of matzo balls."
"Oh," replied the auditor, thinking hard how to fluster the Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the foreskins from the circumcisions?"
"Yes, here too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins, and when we have enough we actually send them to the Inland Revenue." "The I.R?" questioned the auditor in disbelief.
"Ahh, yes," replied the Rabbi, " the I.R. " ...and about once a year, they send us a little prick like you."
Oi Vey!
I had an interesting conversation with a local yacht service company boss the other day.
He was complaining about so many outstanding debts from yachts he’d being doing business with.
He reckons that to add to the usual tardiness in coughing up the, "Bloody MCA business module has put ideas like cash flow and planned payments etc into their heads"!
It’s also true what he said in that he wastes so much time in chasing bad payers that he can’t get on with what his real job is- servicing yachts.
It’s got to be 50% up front or don’t bother to get out of bed and on board surely?
I’d like your comments- that could open a right old juicy can of worms eh?
You’ve probably noticed that I haven’t had a go at any of the other media around recently but have you seen my chums, Ken and Barbie´s latest rag?
What a yawn! Re-hashed Peter Stringfellow, Anthea Turner and Grant Bovey again, Rod Stewart’s bird in her bra and knickers, thrown in with a load of sycophantic snaps of wanabees... oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!
One thing’s for sure is that whoever’s involved and backing, "Mallorca´s latest and most exciting magazine" better check out the fact that it appears they don’t have a ´Deposito Legal´ number which every publication in Spain should legally have. Oh-oh!
To stimulate your grey matter consider these:
Question 1:
If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?
Read the next question before looking at the answer for this one.
Question 2:
It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here
are the facts about the three leading candidates.
Candidate A - Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists. He´s had two Mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.
Candidate B - He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.
Candidate C - He is a decorated war hero. He´s a vegetarian, doesn´t smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife. Which of these candidates would be your choice?
........Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt. Candidate B is Winston Churchill. Candidate C is Adolph Hitler. And, by the way, the answer to the abortion question: If you said yes, you just killed Beethoven.
Regards,
Bates