Oh dear another **ck up in Mahon harbour!
A Trasmediterranea transporter lost the plot last month aided by strong winds and smacked into 5 yachts moored at Pedro´s Boat quay. This is getting a bit too regular!
If you remember, we mentioned a chap called Joan Verger a few issues back regarding the fact that there´s a law suit against him regarding his involvement in the aledged ´dodgy fees´ being applied in Marina Port in Palma. Well his name has cropped up again in dispatches. This time it´s all about the supreme court ordering the demolition of a petrol station in the Playa de Palma which he owns half of. What´s wrong? Well it appears that it was illegally built back in 1996. And this guy is the President of the Balearic Port Authority? Viva Mallorca!
An old man was sitting on a bench at the shopping mall. A teenager walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different colours: green, red, orange, blue, and yellow. The old man just stared. Every time the teenager looked, the old man was staring. The teenager finally said sarcastically, "What´s the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life? Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."
If there is any doubt about the wealth in the Balearics, I bring you these numbers. There are; 523 branches of banks, 584 of ´savings banks´, 26 cooperatives of credit, the third highest per capita in Spain. My mind springs to the answer given by an American hold-up man (who´s name escapes me- perhaps, Dillinger) to the question, "Why do you rob banks?"...... "Because that´s where the money is"!
Some time back the newspaper, "El Mundo" revealed that the cafe, for the exclusive use of taxi drivers in Palma airport, served alcohol. This lead to the banning of hard liquor, or did it? Well no. Recently, a journalist, from the same newspaper, disguised as a cabbie, asked for a coffee with Amazonas rum. Firstly the barman said he could not serve alcohol and then presented him with a milk jug of rum!
You may remember the mention in the last issue about the draconian measures introduced about parking by service companies inside the Marina Port de Mallorca well I´ve just been faxed a letter plonked on a service company van. Basically it says that the van overstayed it´s welcome and if it´s found doing so again it will be, "prohibited entry indefinitely". So again I urge skippers and owners to have a word with the management to be a bit more cooperative. As the van owner quite rightly states, "Have just faxed you a copy of a note I got from the Gestapo in the club THIS morning (Saturday), when there was virtually no one around. And please remember, they CHARGE us for time spent inside. Problem is, no one wants to start the ball rolling in case they are banned. It will only take an (Spanish) owner´s complaint for them to see the light".
More proof that Blighty´s gone down the pan.
The landlord of the the Otter in Drayton, Norwich, was left bewildered after a court advised him that he should not apply for a bar extension until midnight on April 23 for St George´s Day because it was not a special occasion. The publican won a late extension to mark St George´s Day only after agreeing to drop the name of England´s patron saint. Tony Bennett, 47, who had been told by a Norwich magistrates´ court clerk that he was wasting his time in making the application, arrived at court on a scooter decorated to look something like a dragon and flanked by regulars dressed as knights. The magistrates had granted extensions to celebrate the Chinese new year and American Independence Day but said that St George´s Day - April 23 - was not recognised as "special" in law. Mr Bennett´s application was approved only when he scored out "St George" and wrote in "charitable event", with the proceeds from the extra hour at the Otter in Thorpe Marriott, Norwich, to go to a good cause (probably not the Magistrates Ball!).
Now then, charter skippers and agents take a note of this email- frank@mymajorcawedding.co.uk. This is Frank Leavers´ email who runs an outfit based in Andratx am Rhein that splices people (in the nicest possible way of course) here in Mallorca. He´s had an enquiry regarding a charter included in the nuptial celebrations, so get your brochure etc to him prontisimo.
And whilst on the subject of Frank I´m sure we all would like to convey congrats to him as the skipper of the local cricket team that beat Menorca (not unknown for fielding ringers) in the final game of the Balearic championship to retain the trophy last month. Jolly good show chaps! Anybody that fancies putting willow to leather call Frank on 971 136308.
When you next moan about the lateness of trains and busses think of the disaster that has just happened in Osaka in Japan. It appears that the Japs are fatally paranoid about timing and punctuality. In 2004, on the 40th anniversary of the bullet-train, there was much hand-wringing over the fact that a year earlier the trains on that line had registered an average delay of 6 seconds! The fateful train, carrying about 580 passengers, began running abnormally fast after leaving Itami station, passengers reported. The train was scheduled to arrive at Amagasaki station at 9:20 a.m., in time for many passengers to connect to another train leaving at 9:23 a.m. The train was running only 60 seconds late when it derailed at a curve and slammed into a nine-story building standing 3.5 meters or so away. Take it easy out there folks, this is it: this is not a rehearsal!
Much has been said about Charles, Camilla and the whole royal family, particularly Chas´ outburst against the press and paparazzi. It´s a Royal´s duty to be repulsed by his or her people, that´s the whole point of them. It must be because there can´t be any other reason why they´re still around. As non-royals, the rest of the British hoi poloi have a duty to heap upon them ridicule and derision. It´s a symbiotic relationship, built on mutual antipathy that has served the Brits well for centuries. Other countries have got rid of their Royalty through revolution, and they act all smug and superior. They´re missing the point though, because in Britain, they approached things in a different way. They have systematically reduced the Royal Family to ludicrous figures of ridicule, who command pretty much no respect among their subjects. They have no real power and their lives are more or less controlled by the media who have imprisoned them in an endless hell of seedy, insulting tabloid stories. This represents a much stronger way to deal with it in the long term than simply cutting off a few heads and letting a load of extremist nutcases take over. They´re always there as figureheads to remind all that things have moved on, and it is known and expected that the tabloids will dig up or make up something hilarious and insulting to put them in their place when they get below their station. Who wants the Republic of Britain? It would be terribly boring!
Now be serious for a moment. I have been reminded by a bean counter, a.k.a. accountancy chappie, that come 1st July, the EU directive regarding "witholding taxes" will come into force. So all you that are loitering offshore, it is time to get your ducks in a row and pencils in line. There are, apparently "remedies" to this imminent malaise that can radically effect your wallet! If you need to be pointed in the right direction get in touch with the boss who knows a man who can possibly help.
Here´s a snippet you can drop in when you´re sipping G&Ts with the chatterati. A knee problem is forcing Spain´s only English bullfighter to retire. A native of Salford, Frank Evans, aka El Ingles, was 17 when he killed his first bull in 1966, although he didn´t become a full matador until 1991. He said he had always been regarded as something of a novelty: "When I first announced to Spain that I wanted to be a matador, they were curious and they´ve never ceased to be curious." He said that when you come from a country where bullfighting is not traditional, the Spanish don´t believe you can have the passion or style to be a matador: "I don´t think you´ll ever convince them really but it´s been great fun trying."
Now before you go -apologies to our Paddy friends out there. Paddy the famous Irishman is driving home after downing a few at the local pub. He turns a corner and much to his horror he sees a Fir tree in the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid it and almost too late realises that there is yet another tree directly in his path. He swerves again and discovers that his drive home has turned into a slalom course, causing him to veer from side to side to avoid all the trees. Moments later he hears the sound of a police siren and brings his car to a stop. The officer approaches Paddy´s car and asks him what on earth he was doing. Paddy tells his story of the trees in the road when the officer stops him mid sentence and says.......... "Fer Feck´s sake, Paddy, that´s yer air freshener!"