Normally when someone says to you, “ ‘ere did you see so and so made a British national newspaper”, it is bad news but hats off to Tony Whittaker (he of Mallorca Sea School & Charters in Portals) who was mentioned in dispatches in the Sunday Times business section recently.
It appears that Tony is a major shareholder of Pearl Motor Yachts based in the UK and is looking to build 12 boats and turn over 8 million sterling next year. Best of British luck to ya mate!
On the other hand I’ve had so many emails, telephone calls, and comments such as, “Have you read that load of old boll***s?”
These people of course were referring to Mallorca’s “favourite celebrity rag” and their Arselikhan interview with Boat Yard Palma’s, Mike Riches.
I expect that the doors in Wellies will have to be widened now so he can get his head through!
Well, let us be charitable and set aside the sycophancy and ridiculous vanity but what has pressed the guffaw button amongst many in the local marine trade is the reference to the, “We don’t mess with prices…” routine.
Oh yeah? And what about the fat layer of jam on top of sub-contractors’ bills for doing s.f.a?
Incidentally, on this matter, I’m sure, gentle reader, you’ll be interested to know that the new concession expressly forbids the new concessionaire to get involved with anything but the basic lifting, cleaning and parking (obviously including electricity, water etc charges).
But having said that, there are of course, more ways than one of skinning a gato and by God the locals are taxidermists extraordinario!
Anyway, coming back to the interview, it has proven to be a “kiss of death article” as it is well on the cards that Riches will be putting his pencil down and putting his chair on his desk at the end of September and will be on his bike or, (jam on top, loads of dosh, fu** off) BMW to be more accurate, to make way for the new concessionaires.
This, I can only hope will be a blessing in disguise as in emptying his desk drawers he might come across his marbles and sense of humour that went missing some years ago.
By popular demand he wins this month’s Bates Award and cap.
As far as the yard is concerned it will be the start of the massive investment, refurbishment and expansion that will surely place Palma back on the top of the list as far as boat yards are concerned in the western med.
To continue about the new boat yard concession, there has been considerable controversy which has been stoked by El Mundo newspaper almost on a daily basis.
It smells to me that the newspaper has a vendetta going with the President of the local port authority, Joan Verger.
In a nutshell, El Mundo are leading the hissers and booers saying that there has been some collusion between Verger and a bloke called Riutort who has his finger in several marine pies, i.e. concessions awarded (including Marina Port de Mallorca and the latest boat yard concession) by the port authority whilst Verger has been el jefe.
Verger was a shareholder in one of Riutort’s companies involved in the Marina Port de Mallorca concession but sold his shareholding before he took office in the port authority.
Now, El Mundo have discovered that Verger and Riutort are both shareholders in a construction company in Inca and are saying that Verger is probably lining his mate’s and, somehow, his pockets and are calling Verger a liar because he is on record saying that he has no financial interest with Riutort!
On the strength of this they are calling for Verger to resign and for the boat yard concession to be re-assessed.
And there’s more; and the plot thickens.
Verger was the top dog of the Party Popular and it would suit the left wing complainers if the PP can be linked with such skulduggery as it would be mud that could stick till the elections in July next year.
In the meantime there are two legal eagles looking at the case and both the PP and Verger have told them to wind their complaining necks in until the findings regarding the awarding of the concession are released.
The smart money is on Verger perhaps having to fall on his sword for political reasons but the concession decision to stand with the new mob, Servicios Tecnicos Portuarios SL taking over in October.
Quite honestly when this sort of story breaks here in Mallorca surely it should be greeted with a, hey-ho, here we go again and not, shock-hijo de puta-horror?
Well, I don’t know about you gentle reader, but I’ve bored myself to distraction on that subject so here’s quite a nice little snippet to lighten up a smidgen.
A man and his wife were getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself.
"You know, dear," she says, "I look in the mirror, and I see an old woman.
My face is all wrinkled, my boobs are barely above my waist, and my arse is hanging out a mile. I´ve got fat, veined legs, and my arms are all white and flabby."
She turns to him and pleads, "Oh please tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself.”
"He studies hard for a moment thinking about it and then says in a soft, thoughtful voice, "Well, there´s bugger all wrong with your eyesight ."
I find it quite amazing that there have been so much sucking of teeth and shaking of heads regarding the Pakistan team’s attitude in the cricket test at the Oval.
This could have been very simply solved if someone had sat them down and explained to them that the ICC rules and regulations are actualy unequivocal unlike the Koran, which, as we know, can be interpreted to suit one’s point of view!
Let’s face it everyone knows that Pakistanis are a race who habitually tamper with their balls; why else would they wear those baggy trousers?
If anyone offers you a Scanner 530 RIB with a 100 Yamaha strapped to the back please get in touch on 619270088 as it might be the one that was nicked outside Portals last month!
Well if you give a Mallorcan an inch they will take a mile- what about the front page story eh?
More about dosh than environment as usual!
I personally think it’s a complete load of boll**** about the environmentalist palaver about anchoring where you want.
Why don’t these anoraks just f*** off and sort out the crapolatta dumped on the land before they get their knickers in a twist about the coastal waters that are generally well looked after by yachtsmen?
Let’s face it, your average brainless Pedro and Carmen, who have no compunction to shit on their own doorstep, can’t afford to get afloat (thank the Lord).
Had trouble with ‘er in doors recently in the hot weather? Well It’s not surprising.
Although many couples believe that their summer vacation will give them the time they need to sort out any problems they have, just the opposite happens, in fact.
According to the experts at the Spanish Institute of Family Policy, spending 24 hours together when the temperature is 40ºC in the shade causes one in three divorces in Spain today, where the institution of marriage is in crisis anyway.
According to one divorce lawyer, the marriages most at risk are those where the couple did not live together before the wedding, or lived together happily many years before deciding to get married.
He said that nowadays it is usually the woman who starts divorce proceedings.
In simple terms I read that as women are pains in the arse whether you’ve just met them or have slaved to keep them for bloody years or, to put it their way, marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.
A Polish immigrant went to apply for a driver´s licence. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.
The optician showed him a card with the letters: ´C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.´
"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
On immigration matters the following is yet another example why I feel that the wa**ers that run the Western world are seriously wrong in believing that multi-cultural society can work.
A Sudanese man has been forced to take a goat as his "wife", after he was caught having sex with the animal.
The goat´s owner, Mr Alifi, said he surprised the man with his goat and took him to a council of elders.
Mr Alifi, Hai Malakal in Upper Nile State, told the Juba Post newspaper that he heard a loud noise around midnight on 13 February and immediately rushed outside to find Mr Tombe with his goat.
"When I asked him: ´What are you doing there?´, he fell off the back of the goat, so I captured and tied him up".
Mr Alifi then called elders to decide how to deal with the case.
"They said I should not take him to the police, but rather let him pay a dowry of 15,000 Sudanese dinars ($50) to Mr Alifi because he used it as his wife," Mr Alifi told the newspaper.
And don’t start me on bloody religious political correctness!
After a pair of Jehovah´s Witnesses interrupted their Christmas dinner to proselytize 32 years ago, Gordon and Jean Grove put up a sign in the yard of their Bursledon, Hants., England home: "Our dogs are fed on Jehovah´s Witnesses".
In the 32 years since, no one has complained about the sign, not even Jehovah´s Witnesses, says Jean, now 77. The sign worked, too: the Witnesses stopped calling on the house.
But then the police declared the sign "distressing, offensive and inappropriate," and insisted she take it down.
And now, get this load of tosh!
Artur Boruc, 26, a goalkeeper for the Celtic Football Club, was playing in a soccer match against the Rangers in Glasgow, Scotland.
At the start of the second half Boruc, who is Polish and signed with Celtic a year ago, crossed himself as he took his position.
The Strathclyde Police were called in, and their report was passed to prosecutors.
The Crown Office ruled that in the "charged atmosphere" of a football match, the act of crossing himself "provoked alarm and crowd trouble and as such constituted a breach of the peace."
Boruc received a formal caution, leaving him with a criminal record.
“What shall we do with the drunken sailor?” goes the song, but the Danes have decided differently.
The Danish Parliament (Folketinget) has unanimously approved a bill on alcohol limits at sea, which was introduced by the Minister of Economic and Business Affairs, Bendt Bendtsen.
But elsewhere, you can a have slurp until 2008 it appears.
The statement also noted that, in May 2006, the International Maritime Organization (IMO) decided — in accordance with proposals put forward by Denmark among others — that mandatory international regulations on alcohol at sea should be established.
The blood alcohol content limit, which is to apply on an international basis, has yet to be determined, and the provisions are expected to be finalised in 2008.
On that note I’m off for some amber nectar, until next month...
Bates