Dockside whispers on the mainland are that the project to enlarge La Bajadilla leisure port in Marbella should be put to tender within a few months, as all that is needed now for the project to go ahead is for the environmental impact report to be approved. The project will cost more than 60 million euros, and when it is completed the port will have about 700 berths instead of the present 268.
Also there has recently been an announcment that Benalmádena’s Puerto Marina was visited by more than seven million people in 2006, up three per cent from the previous year, according to year-end figures from the councillor in charge, José Nieto. The busiest month was August, which alone saw nearly two and a half million visitors to the marina, and as many as 350,000 on a single weekend.
All well and good for the bars, restaurants and “kiss me quick” brigade but would you want to be moored there with all those grockles parading around the quays?
I doubt if you’re going to believe this but here goes!
A Barcelona court ruled recently that it was possible for a blind man to drive at 154 kilometres and sign the resulting traffic ticket and declared Domingo Merino Arjona, aged 57, not guilty of insurance fraud. The Mapfre insurance company took Sr Merino to court after he was awarded nearly 550,000 after a traffic accident on the grounds of being "totally blind". The company referred to the speeding incident which happened three months earlier, claiming he could not possibly be blind. However Sr Merino argued that he had only just taken over the wheel of the car from his wife when the police caught up with them. He told the judge he knew there would be no bends for the next four kilometres and wanted to have a go at driving again. The Guardia Civil had not believed his story but the judge did, so he got off.
This bloke goes in a shop and asks for Mallorcan Sausages. The Assistant looked at him and asked "Are you Mallorcan?"
"If I asked you for Italian Sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or, if I asked you for a German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?
Indeed, if I asked you for a Kosher Hot Dog, would you ask me if I Was Jewish? Or, if I asked you for a Taco, would you ask me if I was Mexican?
Would ya, ay? Would Ya?"
The assistant says, "Well no".
“And if I asked you for some Bourbon Whiskey, would you ask me if I was American?
What about Danish Bacon, would you ask me if I was Danish?"
“ And how about a case of San Miguel? Spanish eh?”
"Well, I probably wouldn´t".
With self-indignation, the man says, "There you are see- discrimination- we Mallorcans are fed up of it! Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I´m Mallorcan just because I asked you for Mallorcan Sausages?"
The Assistant replies, "Because you´re in a chemist shop”.
Joking aside, did you note that recently the Balearic parliament pledged their support for, "Proyecto Gran Simio" which gives apes the same rights as humans? This presumably is all to do with the monkey business that politicians get up to!
A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met a guy whom she did
not know. She thought this guy was amazing. She believed him to be her dream guy so much, that she fell in love with him right there, but never asked for his number and could not trace him. A few days later she killed her sister. Why?……
She was hoping the guy would appear at the funeral again. If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath. This was a test by a famous American psychologist used to test if one has the same mentality as a killer.
Many arrested serial killers took part in the test and answered the question correctly. If you didn´t answer the question correctly, good for you.
What’s the saying? You can’t rush craftsmen? Well it was well worth the wait wasn’t it? What am I referring to? The latest issue (39) of “the local celebrity rag” of course! A bit late on the street this month but sporting no less than 12 pics that Ken has snapped of Barbie with a front cover splash to boot! This figure, by no means a record, is still a block buster in (pass the sick-bag) the vanity publishing stakes. But wait there’s more on guess who- yes them!
No less than 12 pages on their trip to Moscow with Barbie looking distinctly like a genuine hija de Putin (geddit?) and constituting a massive 42% of the editorial content!
Flicking through it they have come up with what they obviously think a wonderful wheeze - to compare some local properties with one in the UK to show what you can get for about the same dosh.
A pebble-dashed 1950s semi in Finchley? Oh please!
This is an issue I highly recommend you get hold of and keep by your bedside as it is bound to work quicker than mogadon and is certainly less addictive!
Well it took a long time, about 2 years to be precise but British resident, Len Hancox has finally been found guilty of falsifying RYA, ICC certificates. Having already been given the bum’s rush out of the RYA in 1999 (for issuing dodgy tickets), Hancox continued to issue forged certificates up to around March 2001, mainly in Pollensa.
The Guardia started the prosecution of Hancox and his accomplice, Salvador Llinas Bauza and 46 people who paid between 540 and 600 Euros for the dodgy certificates in July 2005. (Incidentally none of these 46 were either British citizens or residents, which is obligatory to hold a RYA ICC.)
Hancox was handed down 2 years inside and a fine of 4,320 Euros with Llinas copping 14 months in the slammer and 3,600 Euros.
I hear from my spy in the RYA that there is a current case going on regarding false RYA certs involving a local German company. If anyone has a certificate issued by Pronautica I would strongly suggest you get onto the RYA before the boys in green get round to feeling your collar!
Regular readers of my sermons will no doubt recall that in the January issue I brought you the story about the letter, written in English, offering a backhander of 250 grand to a local functionary if the concession to develop the proposed San Telmo marina “went the right way”. Well, the net tightens on the so called Andratx corruption case and now a name has come to light as the alleged author of the incriminating scribble- a Brit named John Morgan Harries and a company called, Mar de San Telm.
Would you believe that the functionary’s explanation is that he did not take the note seriously and only kept the letter to include it in a book he intended to write about his career- duhh!
The green light has been given for a dramatic amplification of Ciutadella port with an outside breakwater to reduce the effects of the rissaga which damaged many yachts moored and anchored inside the cala last year. A total of 65 million euros has been allocated and 3 1/2 years estimated to completion.
I had to check that the date wasn’t April 1st the other day when I read in the Daily Bull**** that Ricky “Lash” has got an award.
No, not for being an ancient monument, or the local keeper of God’s waiting room list but from the Ramon Llull institute- for literature- oh pleeeeze! If anyone proves the old saying that Americans and English are divided by a common language he surely must feature somewhere near the top of the list of suspects.
Adios to Ship’s carpenter, Roy Creirie and hair stylist, Birit of Salon B in Portals Nous who have up´d sticks and moved lock, stock and barrel to Denmark.
Did you see the results of a survey conducted by the national tourism institute, Turespana on the nautical tourism sector.
They reckon that the Baleares is visited by just under 25% of the total foreign nautical tourists (which is the highest percentage for an area in Spain) with Andalucía at 21%, Canaries 12.5%, Valencia 9.5% and Galicia at 5.8%. No doubt because the Balearics have 19,342 moorings a figure which constitutes 18% of the total in Spain.
They have conjured up a figure of each nautical tourist spending 1260 euros per trip compared with an “average per tourist” of 857 euros.
I can’t really see these income figures as being anything but way off the mark when you look at their statement that scuba-divers account for 49%, transit yachts accounting for 21% and charter 12%.
They still don’t see the big picture do they?
Finally I’ll leave you with a conversation I overheard the other day.
“D’you know I’ve had the same yacht skipper for about 10 years”
“Not me. I believe you should change them as regularly as you change a baby’s nappy and for the same reason!”